he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
