White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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