its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
