Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
