Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
