No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize