Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
