i think my tv is drunk
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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