were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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