Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
