ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
