Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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