its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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