uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
