I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
