Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
