Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
