you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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