A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You ruined the universe
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
