Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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