32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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