I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
