I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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