she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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