What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
