dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
two words...techno handjob
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
