ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
