Non-Jews are for practice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
