Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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