accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
