think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
