He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
