I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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