He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
