how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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