you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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