I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize