STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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