like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
