about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
