You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
