I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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