idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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