Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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