my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
