Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
