im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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