Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i've created a new STD.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
