I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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