Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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