tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
