your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
