I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
