it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
