How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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