I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
