Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
