ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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