the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
