I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
