I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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