I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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