Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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