You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize