just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
