Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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