You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
