Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
