Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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