so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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