That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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