Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
