Four minutes until I can fart!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
