Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
