I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
