Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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