he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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