And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
