I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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