You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
