is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
