giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They have beer where we have blood.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
