Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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