haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i now understand why vodka
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
